23 days...

My sister's finally engaged!!!

First off, my sister FINALLY got engaged!! I'm so excited for them. They've been dating for over 4 years. He's a great guy. I get to be the Maid of Honor. I've never been in a wedding before, but I still can't wait. Now the wedding planning begins.

I'm ready to go home. I usually don't get homesick, but the last few weeks have been exhausting. I'm so physically and emotionally tired lately that I'm just counting down the days until I get to see my family. I could use their support. And I finally get to meet Sunny, my family's foreign exchange student from Norway.

I don't think I've had so many different feelings all at the same time in a looonnng while. I don't know which ones are right and which ones shouldn't be there, but it's overwhelming. I've realized a lot lately and learned more than I've wanted to. I'm trying to believe that things will work out and hopefully calm down some, but that hasn't been too promising.

My roommates are the best!

I've loved having them around...especially the last couple of crazy weeks.

It definitely helps to have friends there.

Homecoming night with some of my favorite girls.

It was fun getting ready with all of the girls

and then going to the dance together.

My little sister's dog Zoey is dressed up as a banana split for Halloween. Haha

Perfection

It's almost 2 in the morning and I'm still awake. I never used to be the type of person that cared all that much about how I did in school. The last year or so has changed that. I've become a perfectionist. Everything has to be done exactly right. Last year it worked out just fine. I tried so hard in school and I feel like it really paid off. I had fun still, but most of my time during the week was spent in the library. The weekends were more for hanging out and even then I tried to get things done before. This year has become overwhelming for me. I am trying to hard to balance things out, but I just feel like I haven't quite gotten it figured out yet. I haven't been to sleep before 2 in a least a week (minus one day because I pulled an all-nighter the night before). My school work is consuming me. Sometimes I try to think that I don't care I'll just throw things together, but I just can't do that. I hate seeing my grades when I go about things that way. So now instead I'm still up at 2am taking a break from the ridiculous amount of homework I still have to finish. One more week of classes and tests and then it's fall break! I'm so excited to see some people! That is what is getting me through this week.

Friends

Sometimes I wish I could just get everything figured out all at once. Tonite I'm so thankful for good friends. Even though I should have been studying, I've realized how good it is to have a friend that you can just talk to for hours and not care about how late it is. I feel like it's so good to vent and get everything out...especially when they understand where you're coming from. It just makes it seems like you're not crazy for thinking the way you do.

I'm struggling so much not being able to talk to someone that I considered a really good friend. I know I hurt him and I wish I could fix that, but right now I also realize that trying to fix it only makes it worse. That sucks. I'm scared that things won't get fixed and that this whole year is going to go by and that's gonna be it. Right now that's just how it seems. I took so much away from him and didn't even mean to. I don't understand it and I just can't. I don't think the same way. But it hurts me so much knowing that he's not going to FCA and he's not going to church and when he sees me around it just hurts him and he has to leave. To think that I influenced someone that much scares me. I said I would understand if he couldn't talk to me right now...but I don't. I want to, but I don't. I'll keep praying and hoping for the best for him. I want to be a good friend and do the right thing, I just wish that the right thing was a little more defined right now.

There's only 49 days until I go home. It has been 131 days since I've seen my parents and my house and my dogs. I miss them. I miss that comfort of having them around. I know it's hard for my parents for me to be away from them. The worry about me a lot. I think they always will...more than ever. But I also know they're proud of me. And they know I'm in the right place just like I do. I know this is where I'm supposed to be and I love it here, I just miss my family a lot! I want to be there for everything and I just can't be. It's a good thing my friends at school are like a family to me now too. I don't know what I'd do without them.

This song describes so much for me right now.