The other day someone asked me about FCA. He asked me what the speakers talk about and it got me to thinking. I was trying to explain to him what I talked about when I spoke. It's been almost a year since I got the opportunity to speak at FCA. I decided to look at my speech...ya it's still saved on my computer. I'm glad I did though because I think I've forgotten a little the last few weeks just how much I really do believe that I'm here for a certain reason. It was a good reminder.
This was my speech almost a year ago:
Most people ask why I came to Methodist from Arizona. I always give out the simplest answer, for the PTM program, which is totally true. More importantly, I think that God had His hand in everything that I went through to get here.
I graduated high school in 2005 and I was ready to be done. I didn’t really enjoy high school, so I couldn’t wait for it to be over. After I graduated, I decided to stay in Yuma and go to the community college there. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to study, so I just thought I’d get general courses out of the way. So that was college number 1.
Soon after classes started in the fall, I realized that the community college was basically just like a bigger high school. I saw all the same people and I just didn’t like it. I didn’t feel like I was getting the college experience.
So after a year in Yuma at the community college I decided to go to college number 2. I was accepted to the University of Arizona in Tucson and I was gonna be a general biology major. Tucson is about a 4 hour drive from Yuma. My sister was going to move to Tucson with me and we found a townhouse across the street from campus and moved in with our best friend. It was kind of like a dream come true for us because we always said that we’d attend the U of A together and get a house and that’s what we were doing. The U of A was definitely bigger than the community college and it was easy not to see the same people all the time.
I didn’t really get involved with any clubs there, but I was still enjoying my new college experience. I had started going to a church in Tucson and got pretty involved there. I was on the greeting team and eventually the leadership team as well. I had also found a girls small group that I joined and really enjoyed going to. I didn’t know it then, but that small group would help get me through a lot more than I could even imagine throughout the next year.
I was staying pretty busy with school and church and I had also found a job teaching gymnastics to little kids and absolutely loved doing that. So things were going pretty well up to this point. Then October 29, 2006 rolled around. That day I found out that my uncle passed away with cancer. I wasn't too close to him but he was family and it still hit me. Up to this point in my life I never really had to deal with anything going wrong. I’m not saying my life was perfect, but this was the first tragedy I’d experienced. So I didn't really know how to respond to it. Then the next day, October 30th, my mom called and told me one of my friends from high school was diagnosed with cancer. I was a little freaked out because my uncle had just passed away from cancer and I didn’t want to lose a friend to cancer too. Halloween was the next day and I was going to try and just have a good day. November 1st was kind of back to reality. My sister got a call that a guy we had just met and gotten to know a little was killed in live fire training for the Marine Corps. So at this point I was getting frustrated. One thing was happening after another and it had only been 4 days. I didn’t know how I was supposed to deal with everything. That night my sister and roommate and I were going to get dinner on campus. Afterwards my sister and I were going to listen to a speaker and my roommate was just going to go back to the house. For some reason I drove my car to go to dinner. Now I’m not really sure why, but I did. We were talking at dinner and saying that bad things come in 3’s so the worst was over. Well after dinner I gave my roommate my keys and told her that if she crashed my car to call my mom first and then call me. I was totally just joking around with her. I’m really protective with my car and don’t like people driving it, but it was only about a mile from dinner back to our house. So my sister and I go listen to this speaker and we’re there for about 5 minutes. Then I get a call from my roommate and I just know that she crashed my car. My sister tried to calm me down and tell me it was okay. But then she got a call too. So we go outside and I call her. Turns out she didn’t crash the car, but our house was broken into. In a way I was relieved because she was okay but at the same time I didn’t really feel comfortable in my own house. At this point in my life, this was the worst 4 days I’d ever had. I couldn't really understand why God would let all this happen in my life. I guess I didn’t really think I deserved it, which is pretty selfish of me to think. But like I said before, the girls small group I was in helped me get through a lot. This was kind of the beginning of that. For the next week or two, if I needed a someone around, I could always count on them. It was good to know that people were there for me. Eventually I just tried to believe that God was gonna get me through everything and it would be okay.
I would soon find out that everything happening in 4 days would be easy compared to what I would deal with next. About a month later I was getting ready for finals. It was a Sunday, December 10th, and it was a really nice day outside. I had a chemistry final the next day but I wanted to take a break. I told my roommate that I was gonna go for a walk at a park near our house. She asked if we could go after she got out of church that night…so around 9. At night in Tucson, it probably got to like 60 degrees in December, so I didn’t have a problem with it. The park is really nice. It’s like a walking park that has a zoo along the walk and a tennis facility. It’s also along main roads so it’s well lit and there’s a police station you have to pass on your way so it’s a pretty safe place to be.
When my roommate got out of church, we drove to the park and then started on our walk. The park is like a mile and half around so it’s not too bad. We had walked around once and I was kind of ready to just get back, but my roommate said she usually walked around twice, so I just agreed to keep going. We were having a good talk and I knew I wouldn’t get back to studying right when we got home. We were about halfway around when the night took a huge turn for us. Looking back, I find it kind of ironic, but we were right near the tennis courts when I heard my roommate scream and almost jump on top of me. I kind of glanced over my shoulder and noticed a man on a bike behind us and he had a gun. He proceeded to sexually assault both of us. The whole time my roommate was holding my hand and just kept telling me I’m so sorry over and over again. I would squeeze her hand and tell her that it was gonna be okay and that we were going to be just fine. For some reason I really felt like we were going to be fine. I was trying to be strong for the both of us. About 45 minutes later he let us go and we ran to a gas station and called the police. They were there within 2 minutes. By this time it was probably 10:30 Sunday night and I didn’t get back to my house until 10am Monday morning. I had a final at 5pm. Needless to say, my finals that semester were not very good.
I went home for winter break and I had already decided that I was going to be strong for my family. I knew they were taking it hard, so I had to be the strong one. A few days after I got home, my cousin moved in with us and she had an eating disorder. So then I really knew I had to be strong for them. I did my best to pretend everything was okay. I went back to school in the spring of 2007 and things were hard. I had a hard time paying attention with school and I had to find a different route to take to work. I also kept getting notifications in the mail about hearing dates, so it was making it really hard to forget about. Eventually in august I had to go testify in court. My parents came to be there, but I wouldn’t let them go in. I didn’t want them to have to hear all the details of what I went through. After I testified, I was done. I was going to do everything I could to move on. A few weeks after he was convicted, my parents came back for the sentencing. I didn’t go to that because I didn’t want to have to deal with any of it anymore. I don’t know if you are aware of how it works, but in the sentencing hearing, people can give character statements, which is basically saying how it affected their lives and the victims life. My Dad wrote his on my computer and I read it after he left. One of the things he said was that when he saw me for the first time after it happened, he wasn’t sure if he had to ask permission before he gave me a hug. That was really hard to for me to read. How could a man take so much away from someone that their own dad is almost afraid to hug them. But the guy was convicted…I don’t remember how long or any of the details, I just know he’s in jail.
Before I said that I thought it was ironic that everything happened by the tennis courts. When I returned for my spring semester in 2007, I started playing tennis with a girl in my small group usually 1 or 2 times a week. Tennis gave me an outlet and a way to just forget about any problems or worries I had going on in my life at the time. She eventually told me that I should try out for the community college team in town. I kind of didn’t really think anything of it cause I didn’t think I was good enough. But I thought I might give it a try. In the summer of 2007 I tried out for the team and made it. They gave me a full scholarship to play at college number 3. In September of 2007, the last of I guess you could say bad things, happened in my life. On September 11th, my dad called and said my aunt had been murdered. By this point I was starting to think that God just really was throwing everything possible at me. Fortunately I had tennis going on at the time and it gave me my outlet again and I was able to forget about it for a few hours a day. The next year was more like rebuilding for me. School hadn’t gone well for me at the U of A but I had found something that I really loved doing. Like the girls in my small group, the girls on my tennis team were always there for me. We became close because we saw each other every day.
I know I’m skipping a lot of my next year, but in the summer of 2008, my tennis coach told me to start looking at other schools I wanted to go to after my one more year of playing tennis for her. I was still majoring in the science areas, but really didn’t enjoy it. One night I was reading a tennis magazine and read about the PTM program. I read about one in Michigan, but I’m an Arizona girl. I’m used to the summers being 120 degrees and the winters around 70. So Michigan was too cold for me. But when I found out about Methodist I thought it was perfect. However, it was on the other side of the country and I was sure my parents wouldn’t let me move that far away. Eventually my mom told me to apply because she saw how much I loved playing tennis and how happy it made me. When I got accepted, I was so happy that I finally was going to be majoring in something I was passionate about. Last summer, when I was getting ready to move, I didn’t get to see my family a whole lot because I was still living and working in Tucson. But the time I did get to spend with them, they could see how excited I was for a change. Before I left for school, my mom wrote me a letter and I want to share part of it with you.
“I feel more at peace with you going to North Carolina than I did even three years ago when you moved to Tucson. I don’t think it has really hit me as to how far away you really are going to be, but you know there were times when even Tucson felt forever away. I feel very good about Methodist. It felt like a home, so I hope that is really how it feels once you are there.
You have come a long way in the past three years. You took a bad situation in your life and didn't let it destroy you. One of my favorite quotes is ‘don’t let people identify you by your wounds.’ You have definitely lived by this motto. Your strength and faith has been an inspiration to me. I know I seldom talk about this, but I want you to know that I think about it still today. You have allowed me to think about it in a more positive light instead of negative. You have taught me to live for today and trust God for everything in my life. I am certain that God is in control of your life. I am certain that He watches over you all the time. I know that He protected you from so much more happening that night and I will be eternally grateful to Him for that. I may not be there to protect you, but I can protect you with the prayers I continually pray for you. Thank you for being an inspiration to me.”
I really believe that everything that happened to me was for a reason. I told my sister once that I believe that sometimes God lets things happen in our lives that benefit other people before we are able to benefit from them. I hope that someone has benefited from my story.
Ever since the first grade, my favorite word has been perseverance. I had it on a spelling test my first week of school and I will never forget it. I don't think my teacher realized how important that word would be in my life. This verse has helped me out so much. Romans 5:3-5:
“Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
There's also a song that really helped me when I was going through everything.
