Happiness

I like to think that I'm a generally happy person. I try to be optimistic in most situations and usually do a pretty good job of it. At the same time, I like other people to be happy too. I want them to have the same optimism in hard situations and try and find a positive in even the worst things. I guess that comes from my own experiences and feeling the need to be strong for everyone else. I always have this mindset that if everyone else sees you happy in the hard times, then they'll be able to be happy too.

Lately, I've realized that not everyone has the same mindset as me. How do you make someone else happy and tell them to be optimistic when they just can't? And even more than that, how do you make someone else happy when you're part of the reason they are losing hope? I wish I could just fix everything. I want to make everything okay. I want to let them know that they're not alone and that they do mean something to someone. How do I not feel guilty for making someone else unhappy when ultimately the thing I want is for them to be happy and find hope in something? I keep hearing that it's not my fault, but I don't believe that. I even feel guilty for being happy when they aren't. I don't know what to do or how to fix it. It's not a burden that I'm not willing to carry because I do want what's best. I'm not just gonna give up and hope the best for them. That wouldn't be like me. I just want them to find hope in something and happiness in things.

One of my favorite verses on perseverance...Romans 5:3-5:

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

September 11th

September 11th will always be an important day for people. I remember everything about where I was on 9/11/01. I was a freshmen living in Chicopee, MA at the time and was in my 4th period French class when I found out what happened. I had no idea what any of it even meant. My little sister was in 4th grade at the time and her teacher's daughter died in the Twin Towers. I can't believe it's already been 9 years since it happened.

Today also marks 3 years since my Aunt Lunde's life was taken from her. It still doesn't seem right. She was getting her life back on track. I will pray for the man who took my Aunt's life. The last time I talked to my Aunt, she kept telling me that the next time I was in town that I had to come see her house. She was so proud of it and proud that she was getting things together. I know my family will be thinking about her today. She was a person full of character.

Two weeks ago I went to church with a bunch of the tennis girls. I'm so glad they're coming and seem to be enjoying the church. That Sunday the pastor talked about how everyone has a purpose. I feel like I've heard that sermon a lot...but this time I heard it in a new way and I really enjoyed it. I think too much I try to do what I want at the time and not what is right. Part of what the pastor said was about being connected to your past. He said how nothing is wasted. Experiences are important whether they were good or bad. That's the part that I liked. One quote that stuck out to me was:

"Some of your most devastating moments

in life are also your most important."

I think that is so true for me. If it weren't for all the experiences I have been through, I would not be where I am today. I wouldn't be playing tennis all the time and loving every minute of it. I have no idea what I would be doing. I really do believe that my experiences were part of my purpose and I want to live every day remembering why I am here and that I do have a purpose.

I have been playing this song non-stop lately.

This week I'm reminding myself of this quote:

"I believe that our backgrounds and circumstances influence who we are, but we and our choices are responsible for who we become."