Friends

Sometimes I wish I could just get everything figured out all at once. Tonite I'm so thankful for good friends. Even though I should have been studying, I've realized how good it is to have a friend that you can just talk to for hours and not care about how late it is. I feel like it's so good to vent and get everything out...especially when they understand where you're coming from. It just makes it seems like you're not crazy for thinking the way you do.

I'm struggling so much not being able to talk to someone that I considered a really good friend. I know I hurt him and I wish I could fix that, but right now I also realize that trying to fix it only makes it worse. That sucks. I'm scared that things won't get fixed and that this whole year is going to go by and that's gonna be it. Right now that's just how it seems. I took so much away from him and didn't even mean to. I don't understand it and I just can't. I don't think the same way. But it hurts me so much knowing that he's not going to FCA and he's not going to church and when he sees me around it just hurts him and he has to leave. To think that I influenced someone that much scares me. I said I would understand if he couldn't talk to me right now...but I don't. I want to, but I don't. I'll keep praying and hoping for the best for him. I want to be a good friend and do the right thing, I just wish that the right thing was a little more defined right now.

There's only 49 days until I go home. It has been 131 days since I've seen my parents and my house and my dogs. I miss them. I miss that comfort of having them around. I know it's hard for my parents for me to be away from them. The worry about me a lot. I think they always will...more than ever. But I also know they're proud of me. And they know I'm in the right place just like I do. I know this is where I'm supposed to be and I love it here, I just miss my family a lot! I want to be there for everything and I just can't be. It's a good thing my friends at school are like a family to me now too. I don't know what I'd do without them.

This song describes so much for me right now.